It's All In The Mind
My new netbook makes me feel rather Carrie Bradshawish when I blog. I rather like that, actually, except that the strangely reflective screen shows me a Chinese girl with short hair and specs (what, I wear them at home) rather than a Caucasian woman with curly blonde locks.
But stilll, it makes me have this feeling like I can come up with these thought provoking posts about life, love and lust.
Well, I'll try. That's sort of why I switched on the little guy.
Recently I keep reading about women who put love on the backburner, if not in the freezer to be reheated when they should eventually find a need for it. First up was Sugarbabe, the Book That Screwed Me Over. It screwed with my head enough that I went around feeling really weird for a very long time. I mentioned it before, but for a quick refresher, it's the supposed auto-biography of some Australian woman who had an affair with a married man and quit her job to be his mistress, until his wife found out and ended it. Jobless, she decided to be a sugarbabe, posting an ad on the internet and sleeping with men for a stipend. She found it important to stress the fact that she was only sleeping with one man at a time. I'm not sure it makes her any less of a whore.
What? Is that not the technical term for someone who sleeps with someone else for money? Disguise it as much as you like with the idea that you're just acting like a counsellor with benefits, that you're just providing a service, but at the end of the day, that is your chosen profession, so please, don't make too much of a fuss or get all offended when people break it down and call a spade a spade.
The reason why that book bothered me so very much is because she basically stated that all men will eventually sleep around, and that all women should just accept it.
Oddly enough, that statement doesn't bother me the way you'd think it does. I do actually agree with that. We are not meant to be monogamous, basic physiology sort of determines that. But because we have all these social constructs and morality issues, we insist on exclusivity in a relationship, we expect loyalty, we bind our partners to us in a contract that demands nothing less that complete faithfulness. There's a reason why men freak out at the thought of marriage; it's not that they think it'll curtail their amazing pussy-getting ability (hell, some of them won't be getting any outside of the poor gullible women they managed to con into being with them), but more the idea that if they slip up, they are contractually in the wrong. If somehow, magically, they fell down and accidentally plunged their erect dicks into some random cunt that happened to be just lying there on the ground, a mob of morally outraged people comprising of their family, friends and random other moral authorities can rush out of the bushes and condemn him for it.
The best way to explain why the book bothered me would be to relate this one strange question someone asked me. Am I a jealous person? I took a moment to really think about it, then said no, but I am possessive.
What's the difference? What gets me riled up about a potential rival isn't so much that my partner might cheat on me, but that the skank has no right to barge in on my territory. I get more hyped up about defending my turf than questioning whether my boyfriend loves me. I have no issues with my guy checking someone else out. Stretching it further, it may be that I may be able to accept my guy having someone else on the side, but should I find out about it, I will definitely have the need to assert my dominance by introduce the new girl's face into the pavement a couple of times. And after enough genuflection on her side and her admittance that she is nothing more than a sperm receptacle and that I will always be number one and she will know her place and stay lower than it, Granted, I may be outweighed by most women, but I figure if my guy's going to cheat on me, it makes little sense that he'll go for a heifer, so I should be able to take this hypothetical slut down.
So, after having to deal with that major mind fuck, I came across an article about trophy wives and trophy husbands, these Gattaca-perfect married couples who came together to merge their wealth, qualifications and good looks together in a very businessy transaction.
I guess it's all well and good for them. Hell, it's not exactly anything new either; the old money families have been doing that for ages. The idea of a vapid trophy wife really only applies for older men who got sick of their equally well-moneyed, well-educated and strong wives. THAT'S when they go for a younger, dumber, subservient chick with big tits. They never marry someone like that upfront. That's the way of the world, the way it has always been, and I'm just amused they think it's something new. Like part of them really enjoys the fact that they are making such a grown up, business decision and they just landed this perfect life by putting love aside. They pretend to be all jaded, all resigned to fate, when they're just secretly so damned pleased with themselves.
At least, until their perfect husband has a little something something on the side, with someone who may not be as well educated, rich or perfect, but makes your robot husband feel passion like he never has before. Then they freak out, flip out, yank out the marriage certificate and demand loyalty. You are only supposed to fuck me! Me and my perfect pussy! Yeah right, sweetheart. Being the First Wife is your chosen profession, go suck on your giant solitaire diamond ring in your corner and face the facts; just because you two have no passion doesn't mean your rich, good-looking husband can't find someone who gets his blood heated.
I'm not saying that the First Wife has no right to get upset. I'm just saying that's the way it is. You enter a marriage as a business transaction, you can't even say that you love the man, much less that you enjoy sex with him, so can you really get on your high horse and be morally upset when he chooses to outsource the things you can't provide? Should you not, in fact, be sort of grateful that you don't have to deal with that part of his needs? Shouldn't you just be thankful if he manages to pick someone who doesn't push for anything more, like your position?
Things don't have to be that way. Really, they don't. That fairy tale marriage is not completely impossible, so long you stop thinking it has to fit the stereotypical fairy tale. I don't have the answers, but I believe a large part of it would be just to be realistic. Be the best you can be for the other person, and don't take it personally if that isn't good enough. Remember they have a choice of who they want to be with, and be glad if they choose to be with you. It's not easy, that's why we come up with conventions like marriage and monogamy to tie people down.
