What It Takes

For some reason, my Vox compose page is quite wonky. I'm not sure whether it's my connection being sucky (because my anti-virus can't seem to connect to the update client as well) or because *gasp* my computer has a virus. In any case, unless something dramatic happens, I'll just trust in the scans telling me all is well. Maybe some passive aggressive reader got annoyed with me and hacked my computer. Hmm. I say passive because this is not exactly in your face, just enough to annoy.

So today I met up with a guy who might be able to get me a job. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I want the job. I'm intelligent enough to do it, and I could fake it for a while that I actually am good at the job, but it's going to be another dead end. I can sense it. It'll be fun for a couple of years, then I'll be back to this point. Perhaps richer, but still lost.

Which was why I took Elton's advice. I told him over dinner that it was strangely easier for me to pursue the stuff I wasn't that interested in, mainly because if I fucked it up, it was no big deal. Whereas if I had to seriously audition for something that I wanted and failed at it, it's just such a horrifying thought that I end up not even starting the search.

He chewed on his noodles for a while, then said, "Look, you don't want to be 55 and look back and think, I could have been this. Just do one thing a day that pushes you towards what you want. At the worst, you'll just be rejected. But at least you tried."

It's not something I hadn't thought of before, but I needed someone to sell it to me. I can act, I am good at it. I'm no model, I'm not gorgeous, I'm not even particularly photogenic. But I can act, and they need people for bit parts. So if nothing else, I can do that.

And so, I'm trying. I managed to get an audition for a role. I think it's a small role, and the pay's going to suck (Denis' words, not mine. And yes, that is how you spell his name), but I feel so much more excited about this than the thought of going corporate.

But I don't want to jinx it, so more details about this at a later date.

I know I'll be upset if I don't get the gig. But at least I tried. Then I can retire and tell my grandkids, "Your grandma could've been the spokesperson for the iPatpat or whatever weird massage machine Osim came up with, but her cheeks were too fat. Sorry Marianne, it looks like you're not destined to be a star either, especially with that silly name your mom gave you."

That's the thing about being the spokesperson for the Just Enough, But No More people. You keep having random people telling you you're pretty, usually aunties or suitors or well-meaning friends. So you go through life thinking you are pretty. Then random "talent scouts" stop you along Orchard Road, ask you to go for an audition at their company and tell you you have what it takes to be a star. Or at least, an extra in a TV show, and all you need to do is to fork out $350 for a set of makeup or a portfolio. Uh huh.

People, if it's not a reknown agency, forget it. If you're not 1.75 metres and above, forget it. If they ask you to pay money, threaten to report them to the police for fraud and walk out of there. Kate Moss, Cindy Crawford and all those models did NOT have to pay their agency for any sort of portfolio or other nonsense. Why? Because their agencies were legit. These fuckers trolling Orchard Road for naive little girls who think they're pretty are just after one thing; your money. If they manage to actually give you some gig, hooray for the both of you. But the fact is, that's not how they make their money.

I should know, I was young and foolish once.

Once you've come face to face with actual models, you will never be as dumb as to think you can be one of them. They are literally at a different level, what with that extra foot in height. I once made the stupid mistake of asking the then unknown model Akemi Katsuki if I could take a picture with her while she was doing this Panasonic photo shoot and I was hanging around being interny. That photo has been deleted, because it brought home the truth a bit too painfully. I still have photos of her at the shoot, the very behind the scenes sort.

So yes, unless you're freakishly tall (no, seriously, 1.75m and up), super thin (if you can't wear Levi's size 25, don't even bother) with strong facial features and big eyes (or, if you're Chinese, just strong facial features), ignore the persistent person telling you he/she needs people with your "talent". Or just go along and see if they ask you to pay them money.

I've come to realize the unpleasant fact that a lot of jobs and such are not found in the Classifieds. It's really all about who you know. It's a bit of a problem when you don't know many people. It's a fact that when companies are looking for people to fill a post, they look internally, then they ask their staff to recommend people for the job. If nothing comes up, and that's highly unlikely, then they start looking exterally.

So what's the moral of the story? Don't bother studying so much in school. Just make sure you make friends.