4 posts tagged “gaming”

As I was putting my face on, Elton came over to examine the proceedings and also to potentially tickle me. Fortunately, I was putting on my eyeliner, so had an excellent reason to tell him to not try anything funny.

E: Ah hah! So you cannot move, right?
Me: Forced movement does not count as part of my move.
E: (silence) Did you just quote a D&D rule at me?!
Me: Yup. True sign of nerdism.
E: Nerdism, a religion born of the 21st century.
Me: No lah, I'm sure there were like cavemen nerds.
E: (laughs) How is that possible?
Me: It took a nerd to invent the wheel.
E: Why did it have to be a nerd? It was probably some slacker farmer.
Me: Nah, it was a nerd caveman, slacking at home while the other cavemen were hunting. He was probably trying to make dice.

That said, I'm quite impressed by the creativity of gamers. Now that there's the 4th edition of D&D out, a great deal of fan-created stuff have been flying all around the internet. And it goes beyond just character sheets (we had those a long time ago, because the character sheets in the books really suck, and it's almost like a legacy they feel they must carry on); people are coming up with these "power cards" and bases for miniatures and crib sheets. One dude even made this template that you can cut out, stick, and have an envelope for your power cards right there on your sheet. Anything to make the gaming experience a little easier.

Elton started a 4th ed D&D campaign a few weeks ago and I'm having fun. As a 3rd ed gamer, I find it a little difficult to let go of the rules I've grown up with. But I have to say, I do like some of the changes to the rules.

One of the main complaints was that the game has become too simplified. True, it's no longer as customizable, but the good thing is, it's a lot more forgivable. It used to be that we planned things out backwards, starting from level 20 and figuring out what you needed to qualify for whatever prestige class you wanted to play. If you wasted one of your feats on something stupid or put your skill points in the wrong skills or just took the wrong class, you might not be able to get into the class you wanted, hence the need to plan things out beforehand.

For 4th ed, you can retrain all you want, which means you can let things be a little more organic and just go with the flow. Which is good, when you have a full time job and don't have the time or energy to put that much effort into gaming anymore.

What I really really like is the fact that tanks aren't useless anymore. It used to be that tanks had a difficulty in getting the bad guys to focus on them and not, say, the party caster. Now we get a whole host of funky abilities (yes, I play a tank in a group full of guys), and it's so very dangerous to ignore us. My current character is a water genasi swordmage and I'm just loving it. Even at level one, we've got a number of tricks up our sleeves.

Gaming with a bunch of guys hasn't been an issue for me, I guess mainly because I've been gaming with the same bunch of guys. The core group, Elton, Peeyush, Dzaki, hasn't changed, and the rest I've gamed with in one way or another, so they're used to me. In general, they're pretty ok. I guess maybe because all of them are older than me and had time to grow up. I've known this bunch for seven years already, so they've had sufficient time to stare at my tits and move beyond them.

But there are some gamers I wouldn't play with, mainly because they'll do things like a) overprotect my character, even when I'm playing a tank or b) make it a point to kill it. I've heard horror stories of GMs asking a girl playing a female character for her character's menstrual cycle, because "wild beasts might be attracted to the smell". (At point of writing, Elton went, "You're kidding!" over my shoulder. I'm not.)

I guess it's really a matter of how socialised your geeks are. There are some who have never, and I mean, NEVER had any female contact in their lives beyond their mother, and those are the sort who'd ask for your character's menstrual chart. Thankfully, the guys I game with have had girlfriends before. Maybe girlfriend for some, but hey, at least they had some action.

Which is why I'm a little bemused by this female gamer who wrote a book about her gaming experiences and is now the resident female voice at the D&D headquarters. How incredibly unlucky must she have been to be able to write a book about her shit experiences? Why is there a need for a female perspective on D&D? The extent of my girliness in my gaming career has been a fully pink set of stationery, pink frosted dice (courtesy of Elton. I used to have a set of red ones that I can't find anymore), and an aversion towards classes and races that have ugly pictures. But I've not exactly interpreted rules in a "female" way or thought, "Hmm, how can I make the barbarian more girly?"

Then again, I guess she deals with the menstrual chart bunch, who think we're aliens anyway, so perhaps there is a need for a so-called female perspective on the game. So long they don't blame us for the game dumbing down.

Once upon a time, when I was still an adolescent, I worked in a game shop for a few months before joining university. During those few months, I sort of became a gamer, and sold over-priced plastic bits to unsuspecting nerds who probably didn't realize that owning a giant chunk of plastic molded to look like an alien spaceship and spending weeks putting it together and painting it would cost them valuable time that could otherwise be spent grooming themselves and looking for pussy. Then again, who knew what they did to the alien spaceship besides putting it together and painting it.

In any case, there was one time a woman and her female friend walked into the store. They were Chinese, older than me and relatively attractive, which was probably why the guys all suddenly became incredibly engrossed in their games. It wasn't so much that they weren't looking; they were just pretending not to, and they're bloody good at it. I hate to say that I pegged them in a hole very quickly, but I figured they were probably in their late twenties, execs of some kind, used to guys thinking they're attractive even though they're really just not ugly, probably graduated from NTU Business School or NUS Law or something along those lines, with absolutely no sense of humour and boyfriends who probably insist that they're cool even though they really aren't.

Small digression, why do guys always say that their incredibly uncool girlfriends are cool? And by uncool, I mean the sort who gets all uptight when NC16 jokes are made and who keep pushing their boyfriends to leave parties early because they don't know the people there and can't be arsed to get to know them. The sort who think that people who are too loud or too enthusiastic are bad when it's really just that they have about as much personality as a potted plant. Look, just because she's bangable or because she's the only woman who's willing to go out with you does not make her cool. It just makes her either a closet nympho or blind or heavily medicated.

Anyway, it was pretty obvious they weren't gamers from the disgusted curl of the lip and the slightly horrified and widened eyes and the stiff unchanging expression they sported. It was also pretty obvious they were there to get something for someone else. I attended to them, and proceeded to artfully stuff my entire foot into my mouth.

"Can I help you?" I asked cheerfully in my best helpful store clerk voice.

Non-gamer Woman turned and stared. "Uh, yeah, I'm looking for...uh, I think it's something to do with plastic soldiers that you put on tables."

"Ah, wargamer," I nodded knowledgeably, leading the ladies towards a particular wall. "We carry mainly two types of wargames, Warhammer, the fantasy version, and Warhammer 40,000, the sci-fi version." Blank looks. "Do you prefer swords and magic or spaceships and lazer guns?"

"Well, no, it's not for me, it's a present."

"That's nice," I beamed, attempting to build rapport. "For your son?"

That was when I realized that pegging people too quickly was a bad thing. For one, I'd thought they were incapable of more than maybe three facial expressions. She showed me The Glare, which was impressive. And I quickly showed her another sales clerk, who was a guy and knew more about little plastic guys.

Now that I think back on that story, I feel sorry for her. Dating a gamer, a wargamer, mind you, and braving the stench of the shop for his birthday. I can safely say she is uncool for a few reasons; one, she didn't know what he played. For another, she didn't do any research, just assumed that she could plonk down money, get him any random miniature and he'd be so happy and think she cared.

It may work for, say, random jock guy who was into kung fu films and you get him a random Bruce Lee poster. But when it comes to nerds, well, there's a reason why so many of them identify with The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Not only will they not appreciate you buying them a Necron army when they play Dark Elves, but they'll also tell you about it. Of course, then they'll grovel and say they appreciate it, so they don't lose the one girlfriend they've ever had in a long while, but truth is, they'll think a lot less of you and proceed to make their gaming a part of their life you will never enter. Kind of like the boys nights out regular guys have at pubs and seedy karaoke joints but a lot more nerdy.

Having dating two consecutive gamers for three years shy of an actual decade, here' are some pointers on how to care for your nerd.

Nerds are like the rose quartz of men; plentiful, but not exactly the best gemstone in terms of quality because there usually are major flaws in every chunk. And I mean chunk, because pigging out on easy to prepare and eat food and drinking high sugar energy drinks to plow through those late night raids in their online worlds usually results in horizontal growth.

But if you do manage to find one that is as close to perfect as it gets, hang on to him. Tight. Because with proper care, you can have faith that this one will last you a lifetime.

The good thing about nerds is that they don't have the time to cheat. Seriously, between you and internet porn, his sexual needs are satisfied, and his time allocated for the pleasures of the flesh is used up. That is not to say that they will definitely remain true to you. If the opportunity presents itself for a quick, no-strings-attached, not much prep work needed one-night stand, they may go for it. But they're not the sort to have a whole long sordid affair with another woman.

Other than the obligatory stuff like work or school or sleeping, he really just wants to go back to his games. There just aren't enough hours in the day, and gaming is time consuming stuff. Many a nerd relationship has ended because no girl likes feeling like a second class citizen to some pixels on a screen.

The bad thing is, that is also the most serious flaw in a nerd. If you can overlook it, you're golden. You can have your own time to go shop, hang out with the girls, do your own stuff while he games. But if you're the sort who wants together time 24/7, I think you ought to go date a teenager. They'll be so grateful they're getting sex you won't be able to pull them off you.

So if you're ok with him gaming for extended periods of time, then always remember, it's not just a game to them. This is metaphorical life or death for his ego. His avatar/character is a virtual representation of him, and he takes losses fucking seriously. I don't care how blasé he might act about it; if he walks away from a bad session having lost the game, he's not going to want to hear about your day, because that glazed over look in his eyes means he's replaying the session in his head and trying to figure out how to win.

And because it's so serious to him, respect his gaming time. Don't barge in, don't do the walk past scantily clad attempting to seduce him thing, don't force him to give it up. You really don't want to test his commitment towards his game, because it'll just end up with you feeling like a sack of potatoes in a G-string. He's had gaming forever, you only came along when? Sure, he'll choose you over gaming initially, but after the initial rush, he'll still go back to it. Don't feel insulted or think you're not good enough; it's not you, it's him. The nerd is not as base a creature as the jock, and part of that means he needs to feed his brain.

Some girls decide "if you can't beat them, join them". Please do not fool yourself. Seriously, if it's not for you, it's not for you. It's commendable for you to try, but if you're not happy doing it, then don't do it, because all that's going to result in is you resenting him.

I speak from experience here. I realize now that I cannot ever play wargames because I fucking hate minatures. I hate putting them together, I hate painting them, and I hate having to measure distances and bend down and squint to see if my mini can see your mini. I tried to bond with my ex (while we were dating) by painting a couple, but because he apparently possessed colour differentiation capabilities beyond the normal human eye and wasn't afraid of telling me I was doing it wrong, I think we were lucky to come away with that without me painting the walls with his innards. I mean, seriously, HOW many shades of white can you paint one skull the size of the nail on your smallest toe? How many shades of white CAN you see?

So I won't really say I'm a gamer, but I do play some games. Like RPGs, and even then very select ones. I try to leave Elton alone to play the games I don't like or have stopped liking, such as VtES. I actually enjoy watching him play his computer games while I read a book or play with my DS Lite, so there are some Saturdays when that's what we do. I know it sounds a little loser, like those Ah Lian girlfriends who sit next to their guy while they play arcade games, but it's quite entertaining seeing him scale walls like some Yamakazi dude in Assassin's Creed.

It's easy to start mothering your nerd. Resist the temptation, because you are his girlfriend, and there are distinct lines to be drawn in the roles that you play. The more you mother him, the more child-like he will become, to the extent where you find yourself taking care of him instead of vice versa. I guess some girls might prefer that, but it's not healthy. Men are never that far removed from their childhoods to begin with, nerds even less.

The best way to break out of this is by encouraging them to transfer a little of game life into real life. It's Mario who goes to rescue the princess, not the other way around. Be patient though, he may be a Level 50 Archmage in his game, but in real life, you'll most likely out-level him. So pretend you don't, let him be The Man, follow up with lots of praise, and that'll usually do the trick. If you like, you can even go "ding!" when he does something right and unlock new rewards like new lingerie or something like that.

There is something you should note though. Not all nerds are created equal. There are many many different kinds, the most extreme being the sort that should forever more be locked in their parents' basement and never see the light of day. Among nerds there are dumb ones too, and the combination of low intel and low charisma equals they will never pass the DC for normal social interactions.

Then there are the dateable ones who can pass for normal people, except they are pretty obsessed with games still. Elton belongs in this category. When he dreams, he dreams of how to build his VtES deck. When we go out, I can tell when he hasn't quite let go yet of the game because he just won't shut up about it. It's not so bad because he'll at least relate it all in a relatively entertaining manner.

Then there are those who just dabble. They play more than normal people, but they can let it go, and they can do other things, and they will always look at you if you walk past scantily clad. These, to be honest, aren't true nerds. They're just guys with a hobby. Other guy hobbies include going clubbing with the boys, drinking, gambling, philandering and shooting clay pigeons.

To be exact, Elton isn't really a nerd. He has nerdish ways, and he definitely has the obsession, but his roots were jock. Which is why I am still a little paranoid about him and women. Until, of course, he calls me to rant about how he spent five hours creating a character for Neverwinter Nights 2.

Today, I introduced Medha to the joys of the DS Lite. I'm afraid I may have set her down the path of no return. For that matter, I believe I'm on the path of no return.

Do you know how fun the DS Lite is?!?!?! Honestly, this is the best portable game console EVER. Sure, the graphics are not as kickass as the PSP. Sure, the games are more kiddy. Sure, you can't exactly watch movies on it. But it is very very good at what it is supposed to be; a game console.

And to be honest, when the heck are you going to watch a movie on your PSP? It's so incredibly annoying converting files to the right format (it takes almost as much time as it would to watch the movie). I guess it works as an MP3 player. A very chunky MP3 player. And you can't exactly listen to your own music while playing games.

So yes, I'm a convert. Majorly so. I even love the way it looks, the clamshell design and the sweet sweet pink. It has made me embrace gamerdom again.

If you're on my Facebook, you may have been bombarded by notifications of me insanely playing Blood Lust, Elven Blood, Dungeons & Dragons Tiny Adventures and Word Challenge. Especially Word Challenge.

I swear, I've gotten hooked on that stupid game. Every night, almost without fail, I'm on Facebook till the wee hours of the morning trying to solve those six letter anagrams with a bizarre persistence. And mind you, it's paid off. I now rank fourth on my Word Challenge list. This marks the first time I beat Elton by such a major difference on a word game. Go me!

Of course, this is where he reads this, goes, "Is that right?", then proceeds to whup my ass at it.

No matter, I'm proud of my status as a CEO on that thing. Hey, I was stuck as a Cheerleader for the longest time, can?

I've come to a conclusion though. Those people who progress really quickly on Facebook games are office workers. Fact. Normal people just don't sit around fiddling with their computers that much. My first D&D Tiny Adventures character is just nearing level 11 (which is when you retire) and Elton's second character is at level 9 or something already. Scary, that.

Despite embracing my gamerness, I've been avoiding a particular game though. Tuesdays are VtES nights, but I haven't been going for them. Why? Well, mainly because it's stopped being enjoyable. VtES is a fucking long game. Well, it can be, depending on who's playing. I've had three hour long games before. And it's not fun when you play in a building where the escalators are usually spoilt and the ladies' loo is locked and you have to go all the way downstairs to where the creepy security guard and his friends hang out.

That, and three hours of playing with people who seem hostile to you isn't fun either. Ok, some of the noobs are nicer towards us now, but there's still this awkwardness. It doesn't help that I don't really know the many many cards out there, nor can I be arsed to do the research to build another deck and it feels like I'm cheating when I get Elton to help me build a deck. What gives me the right to laugh at other people's useless decks if I can't build one on my own? Fine, I don't laugh at other people's decks, but I'd like the option.

And finally, as much as I love Elton, I've come to the conclusion that unless it's one of those games where there isn't a clear cut win/loss situation, I can't really play with him. He's a serious gamer. He walks away from D&D Miniatures with a headache because of all the thinking. To me, challenging is trying to make shrimp wontons on Cooking Mama. Playing the stuff he plays like Assassin's Creed is just asking for tears and frustration.

Because VtES is a group game and sometimes he might be on the same table as me, it sometimes leads to me screwing up his plans and him giving me the evil eye. I don't like it, and he doesn't really mean it, but in the heat of the moment, you will get angry if someone just fucks up your play. And I am the queen of fucking up people's plays.

We used to have this guy who always played these incredibly irritating decks. They were built for one sole purpose, to win, and in the most unbelievably cheesy ways. They tended to be one trick ponies, but hey, they always worked. They didn't win him any friends, but he'd win, unless we all ganged up against him. Which we did. Often. Basically, his deck would always go down first because we'd all hose him, then after that we'd fight it out amongst ourselves. He stopped coming around because he got sick of being targeted.

And I swear, this is possibly the only game I know where you have to make sure you aren't too good at what you do. It's like a girls' school; fit in and try to quietly gain power, but not too much, or everyone will try to knock you down a peg. Weird? Yeah.

I think I'm more of a UNO kind of person. Quick, to the point, not much thinking required. What? It's just entertainment.

So since the arrival of the pink DS Lite, I've been stylusing away like some supremely busy business executive, except I'm trying my darndest to stuff wontons with just enough filling but no more. Apparently my stylus likes them big, and Mama keeps giving me the flame-eyed look of polite WTF ARE YOU DOING TO MY WONTONS!

It's annoying, because you get rated on your preparation of each dish, and to get a gold medal, you need to be absolutely perfect (in which case you'll see Mama in her starry eyed expression of utter awe). If you do enough to pass, she'll just smile and politely applaud your efforts, and you'll be able to see her expression of disdain just split seconds before the screen changes. Ok, you don't, but it feels like she probably went off and bitched about me to the prawns or something.

So far, I've gotten gold medals on everything. Except the goddamned wontons. And the stuffed peppers. ARGH.

That perfectionist bitch.

If this isn't enough, the other game I'm playing is Trauma Center. Mind you, there is no way in HELL I'll be able to play that anywhere else except in the privacy of my own room with no one around to kachow me, which is why I haven't gone too far on that one.

It really does live up to its name. It's bloody traumatic when you suddenly get shoved into your first "surgery". Granted, there's a nurse that tells you what to do for the first few procedures, but then after that, you're pretty much on your own. And I hate the sight of blood. Like Cooking Mama, it also seems to like torturing you by making you draw circles. And mind you, that circle has to be perfect. Otherwise it just makes this annoying buzzer sound.

Still, I'm loving the DS Lite. The games are just hard enough to be challenging (I had to make spaghetti bolognese five times before I nailed it), but not hard enough that you have to look for walk throughs. Even the racing game, Mario Kart, makes me look like a pro. Just enough to entertain, but not enough to drive you nuts. Perfect.

I got Nintendogs a while back and now I've a German Shepherd called Pooky. It's another game I can't really play on the go, because a lot of it is voice activated, and you just look dumb shouting, "Pooky! Sit!" on a MRT train, even if you replaced Pooky with a supremely macho name.

Another one is Phoenix Wright, where you play this rookie lawyer (named...Phoenix Wright) and you go through trial. Again, moment of utter blurness as you get thrown into a courtroom and have to defend your friend who's up on murder charges. Basically it's a logic thing. They'll have pieces of evidence for you and you have to use them to point out inconsistencies in the witness testimony, which is how you win the case. It's quite amusing because the whole thing is like an episode of an anime, complete with super dramatic "OBJECTION!" and "TAKE THAT!" sequences where your speech bubble blots out the whole upper screen or your evidence gets flung into the face of the opponent. The coolest thing is that if you feel like it, you can actually shout "objection" instead of poking with your stylus.

In accordance with my time-honoured tradition of using the same title for multiple topics, I'd like to bring your attention to Dadagiri, supposedly the meanest game show around. I'd like to disagree. The meanest game show was the Pyramid Game, where you worked your way up to earn something like $1000 at the very top of the pyramid. Giam to the max, can?!

Anyway, the premise of the show is this. Apparently in India, college students are sadistic bastards who torture freshmen. So the contestants play freshies who have to go through a series of different tortures and the ones who manage to get all the way through win money to cover their therapy.

The reason why it managed to become such a big deal is because of this episode. The girl in the video is called Esha, Goddess (self-proclaimed, clearly). Her job is to dress up in costume shop dominatrix wear (seriously, her pants don't fit her that well) and spew insults at the contestants. Go on, watch the clip.

Seen it?

HOW CAN SHE SLAP? I kinda felt sorry for the guy, honestly. I'm not sure if physical abuse is part of the show, and I don't blame him for slapping her back if it isn't. I seriously doubt he signed up for getting beaten. It's one thing to make them dip their faces in mud and pick up crabs with their bare hands, but it's another to actually slap someone.

And the gang bang he got was...fucking scary lah. Was there really a need for the entire crew to swarm the guy and beat him up? I think he got the point pretty early on. But noooo, they had to make him reeeaaally sorry.

Granted, I believe very strongly that men shouldn't hit women. Margeret Atwood wrote, "'Why are you afraid of women?' I asked a group of men. 'We're afraid they'll laugh at us,' replied the men. 'Why are you afraid of men?' I asked a group of women. 'We're afraid they'll kill us,' replied the women." And it's true. If you put two average people, one man and one woman in a death match with no weapons, I have no doubt the man would win. Like cats and dogs. The physical difference is just too great for it to be a fair match, unless you're Jojo Sinclair fresh off the steroid bus.

Then again, I also believe very strongly that women shouldn't hit men either, without due cause. Like if the guy's trying to rape you or kill you, then sure, ram your acrylics straight into his eyeball (which, by the way, is apparently the best way to hurt someone, according to this self-defence instructor who taught me how to go, "Is there anything else I can say or do?!").

But I don't see why you can just go up to a guy and slap him because he's got a dick and you don't. I don't see why he's not entitled to slap you back. It's not like he's your cheating husband or he tried to molest you or something that called for a right hook with an open palm. It was uncalled for. Perhaps she was losing it because her insults weren't good enough to get a rise out of them.

Perhaps it's all just a publicity stunt. Hey, I'm sure not that many people Googled "Dadagiri" until this incident happened.